I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
