He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
