Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
