If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
