Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
