I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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