so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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