what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
