if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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