dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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