his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
