apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The air taste purple.
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