Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
