Where are you?
In a non slutty way
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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