Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
