Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
