You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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