Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
