Only a mothe r could love this liver
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
