How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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