Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
