Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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