My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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