The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
