Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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