This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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