i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize