Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
