Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
