He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize