Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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