the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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