I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there's paper in my vomit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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