i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Two words: blizzard sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
