Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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