mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
