i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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