i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
