I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
