my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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