Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize