Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
