maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
