Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
