What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
