I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
