she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
