sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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