the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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