Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
