And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize