Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize