i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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