im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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