And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
