everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
