Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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