She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
