it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize