I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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