you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
