i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
