I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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