You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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