Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
