You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
